Mom Guilt Gets a Timeout

Dear Mega-Awesome Mom Megan,

Yes, you are mega-awesome. Quiet those voices in your head that keep saying “you should, you shouldn’t, you should’ve” before you “should” yourself (get it? should yourself? Innuendo? Yo?). Mom guilt is on timeout. Yes laugh, it’s good for you. Nobody likes a pout-pout fish.

I know. I know. Your brain feces are out of control and sound like this...
You should quit work because your kids are out of control. Nah, you should make money to pay for college tuition. You should get a better job so you can pay for your kids to go to any school in the WORLD! You should not spend money on the ikat rug you saw on HGTV. Your house should look like an HGTV house! Well, you should clean your house at least. You should stay home more to clean your house. You shouldn't get so crazy in your head, it's probably from too much TV like watching ungodly hours of Real Housewives when you should be running 5 miles. You should work part time. Well if you have free time you should take online courses. Should the kids go to private school? Are the kids really “ok” at their grandma’s…playing with their friends (OMG the horror) and playing in the sprinklers (no please stop please)? Are they eating the right food (mac n cheese from a box!? Whaaa???) You should home school them and be like that Pioneer Lady and make science experiments while canning jelly. You should definitely have a career and do what you love. You should be volunteering more at school and make all organic, homemade, gluten free, sugar free dinners so your kids don’t get cavity bugs. Really smelly brain fecal matter.

Here’s the point…There is NEVER a PERFECT. You will always think it’s greener on the other side. Hey Aspiring Mom of the Year, do you understand the words “it’s a balance”? Really?

Megan the Alter Ego is thinking…Yes!!! It means less work, more kid time, dirtier house, less cleaning, more cleaning, more recreational classes, less TV, more date nights…

Yeah, thought so…How can you weigh these things? It’s completely subjective which is the dirty little secret…Balance is in the mind, not in the physical.

Definition of Subjective according to dictionary.com:
1. existing in the mind; belonging to the thinking subject rather than to the object of thought (opposed to objective ). pertaining to or characteristic of an individual; personal

If you believe in yourself, in your decisions, in doing what YOU think is best, those mom guilt voices go away. If you live each day in the present, look down at your two feet and the path they are currently on and not in the future or in the past, it’s easier to balance. If you see all the good instead of the white space in between, you will know it’s all ok and will be ok. Look at your kid’s perfect golden blue eyes as he says he’s hungry for the third time in a row instead of at the mess of crumbs on the floor behind him. Listen to the imaginary play in the other room instead of voice in your head ticking off the list of things you should be doing in that moment. Look at three siblings playing nicely together in the sand instead of worrying about the amount of sand that's down their underwear and in dark dark cracks.

I don’t think mom guilt will ever go away. It’s a genetic disease that exists in the female birthing population. Don’t let it get debilitating. You can live with it. Remember be grateful for those first steps, the roof over heads, the food in bellies, and that little nonsensical-just-cause-present you bought because it made you happy. #firstworldproblems Life is good. Kill off that mom guilt and stop “should-ing yourself” because frankly that’s just unpleasant.

Love ya girl. You are doing awesome.

Just Megan

P.S. If your husband reads this he will say “duh, that’s exactly what I’ve tried to tell you”! Just smile and sweetly say you only listen to the voices in your head. Entertainment! Laugh. It’s fun.

7 Years

7 Years. We’ve been married 7 years. Is that long or short?

Well after 7 years together, Jason and I have both come to the realization we are a little crazy, a little eccentric, and blessed. We made two amazing kids.

Not everyone knows this…it literally hurts my brain to think…at five years old I probably sat next to five year old Jason and may have even held his hand in the lunch line. We were in the same St. Peter’s preschool twenty six years ago. He remembers my red sequin dance outfit I wore during the seventh grade talent show. He brought me roses after my high school musicals. We went to homecoming together in the same group. Honestly, I didn’t give him much thought because he was so quiet. We never talked.

Well actually I remember the first time he spoke to me. My junior year and his senior year of high school we were at your typical small town bonfire party in the woods. He sat down next to me on the back of a pickup truck and asked if I wanted a (umm totally non alcoholic) grape soda. That was the extent of our interaction in HS.

After that he came to see me perform in college, always with a rose. Once again the first time, my junior year, I blew him off quite accidentally. I was just too oblivious to think he might be into me. Even though he hardly said a word I thought it odd that out of the blue he’d come to see me perform. The only conversation we ever had was over a grape bubbly! The second time he came to see me perform finally the bells went off in my head. He brought his older sister, Jenny, who I knew better than him throughout HS. After the show, he smiled and gave me a rose. I noticed him blushing. I gave him MY number and was giddy the whole bus ride home.

When he didn’t call within a day… THE NERVE!...I (with the help of my equally crazy Mother) tracked him down. We started calling all the Kehls in the phonebook. No joke. I even called the high school to see if they had his number on record. The office called his sister out of class to give permission to give out his home phone number! I didn’t even know he had a younger sister, let alone two and a little brother! Meanwhile my Mom was happily chatting to Jason’s Great Aunt Betty that was number three on the list of Kehls in the phonebook!
Well…he called me back and the rest is history.

I’m seriously surprised my stalking didn’t scare him off…but I guess he stalked me first;-)

Jason and I have been through the wringer a few times. We’ve seen hardship together. Being almost complete opposites, as confirmed by our recent Myers-Briggs Assessment, we can really miss the ball. I want to blah blah blah about how I feel. Jason can live in a problem. He can sit in it and smoosh around in it; think about it before he talks. To me that’s just alien behavior. When I’m stressed, I need to exercise and keep busy, fix things. When he’s stressed, he tends to watch horrible mind-dumbing made for TV movies on Lifetime. The part that we are constantly learning is how to better one another; smooth out the wrinkles. He helps me to think out my emotions and be Miss Independent with drywall and riding lawnmowers. I help him skip in public and dance to Disney Princess music.

On my daily jog the other day, my heart felt full but my body felt light, like I could run for miles and miles. I realized the full feeling was happiness and the light feeling was peace.

I love my husband. I love my family. Life ain’t easy. One day at a time. Nothing is perfect…far from it. It’s been bumpy and rocky. Some days I feel like I’m scaling a mountain with only my fingernails. I think that’s what makes it have flavor. We have substance. I’m going to be cliché.

After each dark moment, we come out stronger.

I found this a few months ago. This is one of the cards attached to a rose 17 year old Jason gave to 17 year old Megan after the East Troy High School Musical “The Boyfriend”.

How ironic?

Happy Anniversary Jay. Ilu.

Celebrating My Little Girl's Life

Today I am the proud owner of a three year old… a beautiful, smart, sassafras little girl that’s taken center stage.  This little girl in her short life has already resided in two states, two houses and in two remodels.  She charms the pants off of everyone she meets and already uses phrases like “well actually”, “seriously”, and “be patient”.  It’s amazing watching this little person and her little soul grow and grow.  From holding her at 5 lbs, rocking in our Tucson bedroom staring outside at the Catalina Mountains to seeing her jump in the Wisconsin fall leaves…love.  Just all love.

I keep a diary to Cadence.  I write in it randomly to tell her about proud moments, first words, life thoughts.  It seems each birthday, I’ve picked this diary up and reread old passages and write a new one.  I decided to share the first one where it was no longer addressed to “dear baby but “dear Cadence”; written in the first weeks of her life.  Happy happy Birthday baby girl.

Feb. 22, 2010

Dear Sweet Cadence,

It’s you.  You’re here!  I love you.

3 weeks and 2 days early you were ready for this world.  Even though you are a little peanut—born at 5lbs 11oz and 18 ½ in., you are strong!!  It’s not even a week and you can lift your head up and keep it up.  Your Dad discovered that tonight as he walked around the house saying “Oh my gosh you are so cute” over and over, playing with you and cuddling you in his arms. 

Your birth was an adventure as will be the rest of your life.

My water broke at 3:30 am.  I woke your father up saying “oh my gosh! Jason! Jason! I think my water just broke!”  Just the day before, Feb. 14^th Valentine’s Day, your Daddy and I celebrated our love by celebrating you.  We bought all the rest of the things we needed for you.  Put together your room, crib, dresser, etc. and last thing I did before I went to bed was pack a bag “just in case”.  Well when my water broke, your Dad and I started getting things ready, picking up, showering.  Then we took off to Tucson Medical Center where they admitted us and put me on Pitocin to speed my contractions up.  This all happened in a matter of 2 hours.  The medicine really made my contractions strong—I wanted to give birth naturally but I just couldn’t handle it.  I got an epidural and I’m glad I did for later reasons.  Well I dialated to 9.5 cm and 100% effaced in another couple hours.  Dr. Laird came in and said I was ready to push.  To spare you the gory details…the doctor said if I wouldn’t have had the epidural, I probably would have had to deliver you Cesarean. 

When you came out, your Daddy and I were overwhelmed with happiness.  You were sooo perfect.  Are still so perfect.  A GIRL!!!  I was so wrong…Gosh the whole medical staff loved you.  Your father started sending pics of you to the whole family. 

You and your father are the best things that ever happened to me…to each other.  I am so in love with you Cadence.  You are mystical and beautiful and wonderful and one big ball of love.  I’ve never seen your father happier in all my life.  Not ever.  He is in heaven.  I’m in heaven.  We’ll both love you forever and we’ll always be here for you.

I hear you crying downstairs right now.  Your Daddy is probably trying to play with you.

I love you,

Mommy  

So what do you call a female dog?

Life.  You know that good ole' creaky roller coaster that just keeps chugging along?  My family upgraded. We are on the super duper twisty turvy one, buckled in, upside down, by the ear lobes.  This past march my family (husband, toddler, baby, and sanity) moved to Wisconsin for new jobs and to be  near family.  We all made it except my sanity, she death rolled out of the moving vehicle.  I thought it would be hard. Yes.  I thought I was prepared with my emergency kit packed with extra patience, good intentions, and La Croix.  Oh how I underestimated.  We need a full time medical team, physiatrist included.

Let me summarize...

1.  Trying to sell the Tucson house...drama
2.  Living with the parents...eh, a daytime soap, it's special
3.  Trying to buy our East Troy house...could be a serious federal conspiracy

4. All the other $*#%!...epic blockbuster

Here is just a scenario of the insanity (over dramatized for additional entertainment value and more sympathy votes).  In one beautiful summer day in Wisconsin, we get a call that we can't close on our house due to Fannie and Freddie's shenanigans, my husband drowned his phone in the lake, my daughter put coins into the DVD slot in our car (don't ask), my son learned how to climb out of his high chair (and thinks it's funny), Tucson called and wants our wallet, someone fraudulently charged $800 to our credit card in Seattle, and I can't sit on the potty alone.  I usually have at least two companions, sometimes three.  That's just one day...and it's not really that far from the truth.

Now in all seriousness, it's been hard, but I need to quit my whining.  We had the opportunity to move back, it's all good in the long run.  I met someone today who lost her father when she was 17 to diabetes and who can't have children because of a tumor.  I met someone yesterday who couldn't sell their house for over a year.  I met  someone a week ago who lost his job while building a house with his pregnant wife.  I know there is much much much worse than even that.  Life ain’t easy and we all poop.  It's just really hard to imagine Sandra Lee pooping.

I often times forget how completely and utterly worth it this all will be.  I have never ever felt this immense anxiety.  It's like we broke a mirror the size of Texas right after we accepted our job offers.  BUT our kids are in hog heaven.  They are our numero uno and if they are happy, amen.  Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins showering love.  Wisconsin in all its beauty acting as the best playground a kid could want.  Little ET with the town square and kids playing football in the street.  It’s like stepping into a photograph.  Did I really grow up in such a homey place?  Gosh, PUKE!  It's so damn cute!  The grass is green.  I know this all sounds sappy, but I'm declaring release of my inner canine.  I'm putting my hands in the air and say…Weeeeeeeeeee!!!! (followed with a giggle).



Whisking Away to Wisco--The Calling

Picture this…A beautiful sunny 75 degree day, a cool breeze floating through open windows, birds chirping, flowers blooming, a small child sitting at a table eating mac n’cheese while singing the ABCs, another baby crawling on the floor--covered in saw dust, playing amidst a dirty shop vac, piles of splintered wood, and various power tools and toys. BAM, pause, BAM, pause, BAM! A nail gun is repeatedly interrupting the peaceful weekend morning. VROOM goes the air compressor. The wood floor of our beautiful kitchen is completely torn up so that my get-it-done-right husband can “fix” it before we move to Wisconsin in, oh, ten days. I’m standing in the corner watching all this ensue, praying CPS is not in the neighborhood. “Arlan, don’t chew on the extension cord!”

My husband and I have been living in beautiful Tucson, Arizona for almost six years. While the never ending sunny days are awesome, we really wanted to move back to our home state to be near both of our families. We want our kids to grow up knowing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (a luxury I never really had as a child). Plus despite the horrible, bone searing cold winters, we love the state. It’s beautiful. So job opportunities came for both Jason and I to move our family and we jumped on it. We sang from the Rincon Mountains. WE DID IT! We’re moving back! Our wish was granted! We are so grateful! Then we realized the load of work to accomplish before we could say goodbye to the desert. Be careful what you wish for I guess because with any big change, there are hurtles. But boo-hoo, we got amazing jobs and have the luxury to move our whole family. So instead of pouting over our great fortune, I am going to laugh while jumping hurtles, instead of crying from the pain of falling flat on my face. So let’s have a good belly laugh shall we?

I got a call from Harley-Davidson to interview! This was during a time when my current work situation was extremely crazy, traveling all over and working multiple proposal efforts, we had major drama at our daycare (a whole other story), and a broken water heater. But no way was I going to turn down an interview with Harley! So during a trip to a supplier in Utah (with my Director) I had to take a personal deviation to Wisconsin to interview.
“Megan, why can’t you stay and participate on this work trip?”
“Ah, it’s ah…personal.”
Ugh, that’s hard for someone who tells everyone everything from how I got poop on my hands that morning to the latest gossip about my friend’s friend's cousin on facebook.

ANYWHO…Off to Wisconsin I went. And I left having absolutely no idea how I did during the four hours of interviews until the next day when I got a job offer and the words “we’d like you to start as soon as possible”. Then, voila, my husband interviewed with Baxter and had the same outcome. YAY!

Then we looked at the house we bought three years ago and sighed (a very very big sigh). Our YAY! turned into yay?. We are in the middle of a remodel and need to get it listed on the market in three weeks. The entry way is a concrete slab, the courtyard is dirt, the upstairs bathroom is ripped out, and other odds and ends need to be fixed. Oh, and my husband needs to “fix” the kitchen floor because it was uneven. Working full time, handling two babies, and finishing a remodel in three weeks equals AWESOME-NESS!

Of course Murphy’s Law kicked in as well and decided to deliver the nasty Hand, Foot, Mouth virus to my family. Arlan got it, and then I got it. Please keep in mind that this is a childhood virus, most adults have immunity. But since I think my state of mind was more like that of a two-year old toddler, the virus decided to make itself cozy. So Arlan and I looked like movie extras for Contagion for a week or so.

During all this craziness, my husband and I have had many lessons learned. I will share.

1. Baby rice cereal looks an awful lot like saw dust. Do not mix these two things up or use a saw blade in vicinity while mixing up your infant’s rice cereal.

2. While putting babies down for an afternoon nap, do not use a concrete nail gun in the house…only regular nail guns should be used during nap time. They are much quieter.

3. Crawling around in sawdust can make skin itch. Make sure to put extra layers of clothing on children for playtime in a construction zone.

4. Remember that your husband is wearing ear plugs to protect his eardrums so when you yell his name over and OVER he can’t hear you…or can he?

5. Try to remember where you put your baby among packing paper and boxes. He/She can easily get lost, or packed with the family photo albums.

6. Pizza is your best friend.

7. Craigslist might not be the best place to sell all your unwanted items. There are many many scammers out there that take innocent naïve women, usually with two children who live in Tucson, Arizona and drive a Honda Pilate, for granted because “these women” believe the con-artists are legit. THE NERVE!

8. You think kids go through a lot of outfits on a normal day? Take that number and triple it.

9. Hammers are not toys.

10. Please do not call CPS. I did exaggerate…or did I? (Insert evil laugh here)

To be continued…

Paranormal Activity--The Real Thing

My heart is still racing. Last night I experienced the real thing, paranormal activity in my own home. THIS IS A TRUE STORY. I have witnesses.

My husband and I sleep downstairs in our guest bedroom to be near to my almost two year old daughter who is in an adjacent bedroom. We also just had a baby boy, now three months old, that sleeps in a portable crib at the foot of our bed. Arlan, our son, still does not sleep through the night. I always keep my cell phone next to my bed to look at the time whenever he wakes. Last night, he started crying around 2:30am. I was so tired that I just brought him into bed with me and nursed him lying down. I must have dozed off.

Suddenly, I heard a loud scrapping, crashing sound. I immediately jumped out of bed and shook my husband. "Jason, JASON what was that? It sounded like someone banged against the window."

He was already awake. "No, No, the door just slammed shut."
I grabbed the phone on the bedstand. 3:00am it read, exactly.

"Seriously, it was the door?"
"Yes, go back to bed"
"Seriously?"
"YES."
"But Jason, how did the door slam? There are no windows open. There is no reason. It happened at exactly 3:00am!"
"So, what does that mean. Who cares?"
"Isn't that the "witching hour", the time for demonic activity?"
"I don't know. GO BACK TO SLEEP!"

I know my husband was just too scared to admit it. He was, of course, only trying to be macho.

Our bedroom is lit by an eerie blue glow from the nightlight in the corner. I put on my glasses, hugged my son, and sat staring at the, now ominous, illuminated bedroom furniture and shadows. My eyes registered something strange at the foot of my bed. I reluctantly got up to look. A long piece of skinny wooden trim that must have been propped up behind our door lay across the crib. I couldn't figure out how it could have fallen and land in the angle it did...it had to have fallen straight forward!

I righted the board and crawled back into bed. My daughter, Cadence, started babbling over the baby monitor. Oh yeah, creepy baby monitor stuff. I fell asleep reciting "Hail Mary's" and "Our Father's" only to find myself in a horrible dream, one of those dreams where you still think you are awake. I dreamt I was in my bedroom, same night, I knew Cadence was in trouble. I tried to run to her room, but couldn't, it was like I was moving through quick-sand. Once I got to her, she was standing in the crib talking to someone, but no one was there. All the lights were on, and scratch marks adorned her walls surrounding her crib. I grabbed her and rushed back into bed only to find Jason missing.

I woke from the nightmare sweating and shaking to find a black cloud, shadow in front of my face. It slowly moved across the room and disappeared. Totally frightened, I buried my face into my pillow only to find something hard underneath. Feeling around under the pillow, I touched skin and then it slipped away. I rolled over to see if it was Jason. He was fast asleep on the other side of the king and facing the other direction.

I again shook him awake. "Jason, please go check on Cadence. I'm too scared."
"Ugh, fine."

While he was gone, I heard Cadence babbling over the monitor again. When Jason came back he said she was fast asleep.
"Well I just heard her talking."
"No, she's out. Maybe she was talking in her sleep."

Needless to say, I didn't really sleep the rest of the night. AND I sure am glad Jason and I decided to watch the Disney movie "Tangled" instead of "Paranormal Activity 2" that night. I would have had a heart attack.

Things That Go Bump in the Night...in Tucson

Let me set the stage for what will surely be a phenomenal story and will eventually be made into a "made for TV movie" with actors like Neil Patrick Harris and Heather Graham playing my husband and me...

'Twas a stormy evening. The monsoon rain rattled the windows with such force that it sounded like millions of tiny fists pounding against the warmth of our Tucson home. The thunder shook the foundation and the lightening streaked silver along our living room floor. I went to bed with the monstrous sounds echoing inside my head. Curling up with my husband did not bring the usual calming effect. Dreams did not come easy. Instead I seemed to drift into a black, remote world of sleep. At exactly 1:00 am, I woke abruptly, sitting straight up in bed like some corpse coming to life in a horror flick. I rushed out the bedroom door, and was alarmed by what greeted me. I heard a strange noise. At first I thought it was my innocent little girl crying in the bedroom next door. I rushed by her side and realized she was fast asleep. As I tip-toed back out into the living room with trepidation, I realized the noise was coming from only a few feet away from where I was standing. "Jason! Jason!" I urgently whispered to my husband. No need, he was awake listening to the creepy, foreign sounds that filled the room as well. He dutifully searched our darkened living room for the culprit, tripping over our daughter's toys in the process. Soon we realized it was coming from right outside the window next to the pool. I ran to grab a flashlight. A vision of a baby bobcat being tortured by a ten foot rattle snake flew through my mind. Or maybe it was the ghost of a young child come to torment and possess my baby girl! I ran back into the living room grabbing the video camera on the way. By now, the storm had passed, leaving the air outside thick and heavy. Jason and I peered out the window and this is what we heard.

Note: These are true events not dramatized or manufactured for TV purposes in any way (but will eventually be a TV movie with Neil and Heather).





Jason and I must have stood by that window for at least fifteen minutes until we finally got a glimpse of the fiendish imp. It was grotesque, swollen and puffy around the jowls. Its greenish skin glistened in the moonlight. Bulging eyes stared at us. I could feel the evil in its gaze. It was terrifying. Jason soon realized the nature of the beast. It was a...




little itty bitty...






:-)