So what do you call a female dog?

Life.  You know that good ole' creaky roller coaster that just keeps chugging along?  My family upgraded. We are on the super duper twisty turvy one, buckled in, upside down, by the ear lobes.  This past march my family (husband, toddler, baby, and sanity) moved to Wisconsin for new jobs and to be  near family.  We all made it except my sanity, she death rolled out of the moving vehicle.  I thought it would be hard. Yes.  I thought I was prepared with my emergency kit packed with extra patience, good intentions, and La Croix.  Oh how I underestimated.  We need a full time medical team, physiatrist included.

Let me summarize...

1.  Trying to sell the Tucson house...drama
2.  Living with the parents...eh, a daytime soap, it's special
3.  Trying to buy our East Troy house...could be a serious federal conspiracy

4. All the other $*#%!...epic blockbuster

Here is just a scenario of the insanity (over dramatized for additional entertainment value and more sympathy votes).  In one beautiful summer day in Wisconsin, we get a call that we can't close on our house due to Fannie and Freddie's shenanigans, my husband drowned his phone in the lake, my daughter put coins into the DVD slot in our car (don't ask), my son learned how to climb out of his high chair (and thinks it's funny), Tucson called and wants our wallet, someone fraudulently charged $800 to our credit card in Seattle, and I can't sit on the potty alone.  I usually have at least two companions, sometimes three.  That's just one day...and it's not really that far from the truth.

Now in all seriousness, it's been hard, but I need to quit my whining.  We had the opportunity to move back, it's all good in the long run.  I met someone today who lost her father when she was 17 to diabetes and who can't have children because of a tumor.  I met someone yesterday who couldn't sell their house for over a year.  I met  someone a week ago who lost his job while building a house with his pregnant wife.  I know there is much much much worse than even that.  Life ain’t easy and we all poop.  It's just really hard to imagine Sandra Lee pooping.

I often times forget how completely and utterly worth it this all will be.  I have never ever felt this immense anxiety.  It's like we broke a mirror the size of Texas right after we accepted our job offers.  BUT our kids are in hog heaven.  They are our numero uno and if they are happy, amen.  Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins showering love.  Wisconsin in all its beauty acting as the best playground a kid could want.  Little ET with the town square and kids playing football in the street.  It’s like stepping into a photograph.  Did I really grow up in such a homey place?  Gosh, PUKE!  It's so damn cute!  The grass is green.  I know this all sounds sappy, but I'm declaring release of my inner canine.  I'm putting my hands in the air and say…Weeeeeeeeeee!!!! (followed with a giggle).



Whisking Away to Wisco--The Calling

Picture this…A beautiful sunny 75 degree day, a cool breeze floating through open windows, birds chirping, flowers blooming, a small child sitting at a table eating mac n’cheese while singing the ABCs, another baby crawling on the floor--covered in saw dust, playing amidst a dirty shop vac, piles of splintered wood, and various power tools and toys. BAM, pause, BAM, pause, BAM! A nail gun is repeatedly interrupting the peaceful weekend morning. VROOM goes the air compressor. The wood floor of our beautiful kitchen is completely torn up so that my get-it-done-right husband can “fix” it before we move to Wisconsin in, oh, ten days. I’m standing in the corner watching all this ensue, praying CPS is not in the neighborhood. “Arlan, don’t chew on the extension cord!”

My husband and I have been living in beautiful Tucson, Arizona for almost six years. While the never ending sunny days are awesome, we really wanted to move back to our home state to be near both of our families. We want our kids to grow up knowing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (a luxury I never really had as a child). Plus despite the horrible, bone searing cold winters, we love the state. It’s beautiful. So job opportunities came for both Jason and I to move our family and we jumped on it. We sang from the Rincon Mountains. WE DID IT! We’re moving back! Our wish was granted! We are so grateful! Then we realized the load of work to accomplish before we could say goodbye to the desert. Be careful what you wish for I guess because with any big change, there are hurtles. But boo-hoo, we got amazing jobs and have the luxury to move our whole family. So instead of pouting over our great fortune, I am going to laugh while jumping hurtles, instead of crying from the pain of falling flat on my face. So let’s have a good belly laugh shall we?

I got a call from Harley-Davidson to interview! This was during a time when my current work situation was extremely crazy, traveling all over and working multiple proposal efforts, we had major drama at our daycare (a whole other story), and a broken water heater. But no way was I going to turn down an interview with Harley! So during a trip to a supplier in Utah (with my Director) I had to take a personal deviation to Wisconsin to interview.
“Megan, why can’t you stay and participate on this work trip?”
“Ah, it’s ah…personal.”
Ugh, that’s hard for someone who tells everyone everything from how I got poop on my hands that morning to the latest gossip about my friend’s friend's cousin on facebook.

ANYWHO…Off to Wisconsin I went. And I left having absolutely no idea how I did during the four hours of interviews until the next day when I got a job offer and the words “we’d like you to start as soon as possible”. Then, voila, my husband interviewed with Baxter and had the same outcome. YAY!

Then we looked at the house we bought three years ago and sighed (a very very big sigh). Our YAY! turned into yay?. We are in the middle of a remodel and need to get it listed on the market in three weeks. The entry way is a concrete slab, the courtyard is dirt, the upstairs bathroom is ripped out, and other odds and ends need to be fixed. Oh, and my husband needs to “fix” the kitchen floor because it was uneven. Working full time, handling two babies, and finishing a remodel in three weeks equals AWESOME-NESS!

Of course Murphy’s Law kicked in as well and decided to deliver the nasty Hand, Foot, Mouth virus to my family. Arlan got it, and then I got it. Please keep in mind that this is a childhood virus, most adults have immunity. But since I think my state of mind was more like that of a two-year old toddler, the virus decided to make itself cozy. So Arlan and I looked like movie extras for Contagion for a week or so.

During all this craziness, my husband and I have had many lessons learned. I will share.

1. Baby rice cereal looks an awful lot like saw dust. Do not mix these two things up or use a saw blade in vicinity while mixing up your infant’s rice cereal.

2. While putting babies down for an afternoon nap, do not use a concrete nail gun in the house…only regular nail guns should be used during nap time. They are much quieter.

3. Crawling around in sawdust can make skin itch. Make sure to put extra layers of clothing on children for playtime in a construction zone.

4. Remember that your husband is wearing ear plugs to protect his eardrums so when you yell his name over and OVER he can’t hear you…or can he?

5. Try to remember where you put your baby among packing paper and boxes. He/She can easily get lost, or packed with the family photo albums.

6. Pizza is your best friend.

7. Craigslist might not be the best place to sell all your unwanted items. There are many many scammers out there that take innocent naïve women, usually with two children who live in Tucson, Arizona and drive a Honda Pilate, for granted because “these women” believe the con-artists are legit. THE NERVE!

8. You think kids go through a lot of outfits on a normal day? Take that number and triple it.

9. Hammers are not toys.

10. Please do not call CPS. I did exaggerate…or did I? (Insert evil laugh here)

To be continued…